An Unknown Feeling
by ScatteredRain
Summary: One shot, shinji-asuka. It's a little rushed i know. Hope to update sooner or later.


An Unknown Feeling  
  
By ScatteredRain  
  
Standard disclaimer- I don't own these characters or the idea for these characters they belong to Gainax and we all thank them for the show! I did create Kato but if they want him they can have him. The poem is an original work.  
  
A/N- thoughts, ~~~ short pause, +++ long pause.  
  
Send questions and/or comments to insomniac_radio@hotmail.com. Or simply read and review!!! This is my first story so constructive criticism is appreciated.- ScatteredRain  
  
  
  
  
  
Shinji walked down the hall toward his class, 2-A. He was having a pretty good day so far. He woke up without Asuka yelling at him, had grabbed a quick shower without any penguin interruptions and Asuka had even thanked him for breakfast. Yep, all in all a good start.  
  
"Hey Shinji," said Kensuke as he made his way to Shinji's locker.  
  
"Oh, hey Kensuke. How's it going?" asked Shinji, in his customary, polite manner.  
  
"Not too bad," he replied, "hey you hear Asuka is going out with Kato? She finally accepted someone's offer. Who knew?"  
  
Kensuke's words hit Shinji like a ton of bricks.  
  
"Wha, wha, what! Asuka has a boyfriend now?" he managed to stammer out. This day was suddenly going down hill fast.  
  
"Yeah, hey you ok? Ya look pale."  
  
"What? Oh! Yeah I'm ok." If you count being heartbroken as "ok".  
  
"Look, here they come now," Kensuke said pointing down the hall.  
  
Shinji looked and sure enough, here came Asuka on the arm of some guy.  
  
"Hi Shinji," she said as they came up to him.  
  
"Uhh, hello Asuka. Who, who's that?" he asked pointing to the boy shaped growth attached to her arm.  
  
"Oh, this is my new boyfriend, Kato. Kato this is Shinji, the pilot of Unit-01."  
  
"Hi," replied Kato.  
  
Boy when they handed out the brains this guy must have been over at the snack bar. I wonder what Asuka sees in this asshole?  
  
"Well, we better get to class before we're late," said Kensuke breaking the awkward silence that had settled between them.  
  
"Yah, guess we better," said Shinji.  
  
As they walked to class Asuka noticed Shinji's left hand clenching and unclenching.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Shinji didn't listen to the Sensei's lesson for that day. Not that he was missing anything but he couldn't get his mind off of Asuka and Kato.  
  
That asshole! What can she possibly see in that neanderthalian moron?!? He's so dumb he doesn't even speak the same language as her! She's way outta his league! Ahhh! Why am I so mad about this! I don't care what Asuka does. It's her life let her screw it up! He's just doing it to get in her pants I know that. Does it bother me to know that she will get hurt? Yes but that's not it. I'm, I'm, ………jealous? No I can't be!  
  
Suddenly memories come flooding back to him. The first time he saw her standing on the deck of that ship, the sun around her head like a halo. The time he dove into that volcano to save her for no apparent reason, it just felt right. The time she had kissed him, how good that had felt even while he couldn't breath. Their synchronizing against Israfel. All these memories came back to him, flooding his mind, making him shake.  
  
My God! I do care about her! I……always have! I just didn't realize it! The scariest part is I think I more than care! I, I, I think I LOVE her! Oh God! I'm too late!  
  
Finally the bell rang and broke him from his thoughts.  
  
"Hey Shinji, tell Misato I'll be late getting home," said Asuka as she grabbed Kato's hand and headed for the door.  
  
Shinji's hand rolled in and out of a fist as he walked out of the school.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++3 months later+++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
"Hey Misato! I'm home!!" cried Asuka as she walked through the door. She threw her bag down on the couch and wandered into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, anybody home?" she asked as she grabbed a glass of water. Hmm… I bet Misato had to work late. And that stupid baka Shinji is probably zoned out in his room listening to his SDAT player. Well I gotta have him tell Misato I'm going over to Kato's. With that thought she rounded the table and headed for Shinji's room.  
  
"Hey baka! Get off your ass!" she yelled as she entered the room, not bothering to even knock.  
  
"Shinji? Shinji!" she yelled as she looked around the room, seeing that he wasn't there she started to leave when she spotted a lone piece of paper on his desk. Thinking it might be a note as to where he would be she picked it up and began to read.  
  
1 I saw you walking down the hall today  
  
He was on your arm again.  
  
You know that every time I see you together  
  
I become this angry little child?  
  
I don't know what it is about the two of you  
  
But seeing you with together kills me inside.  
  
I just don't know what I can do about it  
  
When you're with him you look so content.  
  
I don't want to do anything to ever hurt you.  
  
I want to say I'm happy if you are  
  
But that would be a blatant bold-faced lie.  
  
When I pass that little asshole in the hall  
  
I want to feel the life drain from him between my hands.  
  
But that would make you unhappy  
  
And seeing you sad is worse than death.  
  
So I just swear at him in my head  
  
And continue on my merry way, brooding over you.  
  
Sometimes I think you might actually care  
  
About me just a little more than him  
  
But then the school day starts and there you are  
  
2 Walking down the hall with him, attached at the hip  
  
3 I'm trying to blame this all on you of course  
  
4 But I'm really more to blame.  
  
5 If I weren't a spineless little wimp  
  
6 I would have told you how I felt the day I knew  
  
7 But know it's to late for that  
  
8 And I see the two of you getting closer every day.  
  
9 I can't even move on in my life.  
  
10 Believe me I tried, but you always come to mind.  
  
11 So I'm stuck, waiting for you to realize  
  
12 How much of an asshole he is, and how much you mean to me.  
  
13 I actually dreamed of you last night  
  
14 It was nice, we were walking down the road at dusk.  
  
15 Then you took my hand in yours and I melted.  
  
16 Your skin was so soft and smooth, you smelled like watermelons.  
  
17 We walked down the road hand in hand  
  
18 I didn't want to, but I woke up then, back to reality and him.  
  
19 I know my dream will never come true  
  
20 You don't think of me as more than a friend, if that.  
  
21 But, like I said I can't move on.  
  
22 So I guess I'll just have to dream of you at night  
  
23 And pray that someday I'll grow a backbone.  
  
24 Or at least something close enough to tell you how I feel.  
  
25 Be able to look you in the eye and tell you  
  
26 What I should have told you the day I knew it myself.  
  
27 Those three little words that always caught in my throat.  
  
28 I love you.  
  
29  
  
30  
  
31 Asuka slowly set the paper down. She walked slowly, carefully, out of Shinji's room. Slowly she sat down on the couch and lifted her hand to her face. What was this?  
  
32 Was she crying? No! I'm Asuka Langley Sohryu! I don't cry for anyone. Especially that baka Shinji! But I am. That poem really got to me. What bitch could do something like that to him! I mean, he's a baka, but not a bad guy. Lately he's been better about standing up for himself too. If I weren't going out with Kato I might even like him. Wait, Kato, Shinji, MEIN GOTT!! It's about me! Oh no! How could I have been so stupid? Oh poor Shinji no wonder he's been avoiding me! Ohhhhh! Wait a minute, why do I care how that baka feels? He's never done anything to show he cares.  
  
As she thought this images similar to the ones Shinji had seen passed through her mind. Shinji greeting her on the carrier, Shinji making her breakfast and suffering through her degrading him. Shinji trying to make her feel at home in her new surroundings. Shinji trying to comfort her when she was sleep walking. And finally several Eva battles flashed through her mind. Shinji and 01 diving into that volcano, Shinji screaming her name and going after Zeruel when the Angel crippled her Eva. Shinji screaming out to her and threatening his father and begging to be allowed out to help her when she was mind raped by Arael (though Shinji didn't know she knew about this outburst). Finally came the image of a crying, screaming Shinji being dragged from her side after the mind rape.  
  
He does care. He cares enough to mean what that poem said. He does love me! But, how do I feel about him? He's spineless, but he knows it and has been getting better. He's depressed and moody most of the time but I suppose I have a lot to do with that. He's sweet and kind and handsome. He is dedicated to a fault. He is selfless, always considering others before himself. Mein Gott! I like him! I don't know if I do but I think I could love him! But could he still care for me after the bitch I've been to him? I have to find out.  
  
First things first. With that Asuka went over and picked up the phone. Hitting several buttons he waited for an answer.  
  
"Hello?" said the voice on the line.  
  
"Kato?" asked Asuka  
  
"Yeah this is him."  
  
"Kato this is Asuka. I can't come over tonight. I, uh, can't see you anymore, sorry. I'll explain it some other time,' she said hastily," bye."  
  
"Uh, but Asuka I thou---" he never got to finish as Asuka hung up the phone.  
  
There now to find Shinji.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Shinji sat alone in one of his favorite spots. He was up on the hill that Misato had taken him to his first night in Tokyo-3. The sun was just setting and it was almost time for one of the most amazing things Shinji had ever seen to happen again. He looked at his watch. Only a few minutes now. He was so wrapped up in what was about to happen that he didn't hear the light footsteps coming up behind him.  
  
"Hi Shinji," Asuka said softly.  
  
"Hi Asuka," Shinji said without turning around. He knew her voice by heart and had caught the scent of watermelons as she came up.  
  
"Umm, I had something I wanted to ask you Shinji. Did you, umm, I mean, was that poem on your desk, was it about me? Don't be mad Shinji I didn't mean to read it! I was looking for you to have you tell Misato I was going to Kato's and you weren't there. I saw the paper and thought I might be a note. I started reading and just got lost in it. I'm… I don't mean to sound egotistical, hah me not want to sound egotistical, but really, is it about me Shinji? Me and Kato?" she asked in that soft voice he had only heard from her too few times when addressing him.  
  
Shinji looked down to the ground then, seeming to set himself, looked back up into her eyes. Finally he spoke, his midnight blue eyes locked on her lighter blue eyes.  
  
"Yes Asuka, it is about you," he said softly, "I'm sorry, I'll leave now."  
  
He got up and slowly made his way past Asuka without looking at her.  
  
"Shinji wait!" she said as he past her, reaching out to catch his arm, "I, I was really moved by the poem. It made me think about all the things I had done to you, and all the things you had done for me. I, care about you. I don't hate you if you think that, not that I've given you reason not to. I was going out with Kato for something to do, he didn't really mean anything to me. Not the way you do anyway. I don't know if I love you yet. I don't know if I'm capable of love. But I like you, a lot. I don't know if you still care for me after all I've done to you but if you would give me the chance I would like to try to make amends."  
  
Slowly Shinji turned back to her a look of hope and suspicion on his face.  
  
"How can I know you are telling me the truth and not just playing with me again?" he asked slowly, his fist balling into a fist then relaxing, "How do I know this isn't just like that kiss, just something to occupy your time?"  
  
"Mein Gott, I've been horrible. Shinji if you can find it within you to forgive me and let me start over, I swear on my 02 I'm not lying and I would never hurt you again! Please Shinji give me another chance!" Asuka said as tears came to her eyes, "please Shinji!? I, I love you."  
  
As she finished this, her voice was almost a whisper. Slowly Shinji reached out and wiped a tear from her eye.  
  
"Please be telling the truth," he whispered as he brought his lips to hers. This time there was no tension between them, no one holding the other's nose. In spite of this they both came up dizzy and gasping for breath.  
  
"Wow," said Asuka, the first to find breath for words.  
  
"Shh, watch," Shinji said turning to look at the city as the sun finally set. As he did this the buildings of Tokyo-3 began their majestic climb up into the world of light and away from the Geo-Front.  
  
"Oh Shinji! It's beautiful!" Asuka whispered, "how did you find this place?"  
  
"Misato brought me up here after the first Angel battle," he replied, "come on, let's go home." Turning, he started down the road.  
  
"Asuka," he asked stopping and turning to her, "did you mean what you said before, when you said you,… cared about me?"  
  
She caught up with him and quietly slipped her hand into his.  
  
"Yes I did. I love you Shinji Ikari. Even if you can be a baka," she said smiling at him, and leaning her head on his shoulder, a twinkle in her eye telling him she meant it.  
  
"Good, maybe this time the dream doesn't have to end," said Shinji as they walked down the road toward home.  
  
Das Ende  
  
ScatteredRain  
  
  
  
p.s.-Thanks for reading please review.  
  
p.p.s.-now go or I shall taunt you a second time! 


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